Remote Control

I was recently asked by a very special lady friend, what I would like for my birthday. I said to her, to go lingerie shopping with you. Well, she smiled and said “…really?” I said “yes”.

I think many of you already figured out that spending a day going to different lingerie shops and watching my sexy friend model for me and letting me eventually choose and enjoy her in is actually a real awesome gift…

Ok, so that is the lead up to this product review for remote control vibes. (Here is the skinny, she had to follow one request on this birthday gift, she had to have the remote controlled bullet in… yes, I am truly a dirty boy.)

Before this planned excursion I went to the friendly toy store to visit with a friend of mine and for the next two hours we tested eight remote vibe units, (on her suggestion we choose only insert-able bullet units). My test criteria included:

construction – water tight, no seams, safe surface
shape and size
vibe power
how loud it is

With any insertable toy, you should always consider these points:

– is the surface hard plastic, latex, silicone, glass or metal;
– is the over all construction solid;
– is there a retrieval string;
– are you allergic to the surface covering;
– are lubes safe for use with it;
– is it too big for you?

My friendly kinky store friend also pointed out that if the toy is inserted and we are out and about, it should be a larger bullet and to always wear panties so nothing can accidentally fall out… I asked about why a larger size and she explained, “it would be easier for her to hold in with kegals and gives her confidence it won’t accidentally slip… also, they can pack a more powerful motor and battery in something a little bigger than a finger bullet”. Two well taken points from a woman’s perspective. Guys, here is a hint, to know what to do with a girl, ask a girl!
As for vibe power, range and loudness, my friend made me put each bullet in my front pocket and walk around the store while she held the remote. After about an hour of giggles and laughs, I settled on the remote bullet by, “California Exotic Novelties LLC”, (retail $45.00 CND). But now, the final test, “range”. My friend sent me next door to my favorite dinner, (great food and very lovely staff ), to get coffee. While standing in line, my friend texted me an told me to text her when it was my turn to order. So I did. My phone rang and she asked I pass it to her friend at the till so she can order her low fat latte, vanilla etc.. so I did… Next moment, the lady look at me and asked what I wanted and “boom”, my naughty friend turned it on. I nearly jumped as she smiled and asked if I wanted room for cream… I must have had a funny look on my face as the other counter girls turned to look at me. She handed the phone back too me and said “that is a taste of what you are gonna do to your lady friend, now hurry up with my coffee!”.

Back in the store, we had a good chuckle about it. Then, the girl from the coffee shop came in an told us, “the vibe was quiet, but it was fun to watch you walk out while it was on!”. As my face went blush red, both girls broke out laughing.

The one thing to look for once you find a product that meets the above criteria is batteries! Many smaller units use hearing aid batteries and though small, get used up quickly. The unit I purchased used larger batteries found in cameras and are longer lasting.

Final thoughts, if there is truly a brilliant pervert sex toy developer out there, take this wireless remote idea, make it bluetooth and create an app that controls it through a smartphone and add a feature “lover’s remote” so while the bullet is controlled by an app on her phone, I can take control of the app from my phone and turn on ” Face-Time” to watch her…

Our Score ****

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