Sexuality, our sexual experience is a complex dynamic of physical, emotional and psychological experiences which is context driven. Simply, we define these three things in ways that fit the situation. If we are experiencing these in an undesirable way – the experience could be defined as negative or even traumatic. If the situation is experienced in a desirable way it could be defined are pleasurable or erotic.

Let us quickly define these three aspects of sexuality. First consider the physical experience. There is much that drives this in terms of physiology, but for this discussion, let us simply understand and focus on the fact that physical stimulation creates sensations which, for the most part is the foundation of sex. Simply, a certain amount of stimulation, over a period of time in part causes arousal and then finally orgasm.

The emotional part of this trinity is what gives us “spark” to the moment. Mental stimulation creates desire, helping to kick start the physical arousal, and enhances the physical stimulation, heightening physical arousal which can ultimately bring about orgasm. Think of it as the nitro-boost to the physical sex.

The psychological aspect is what gives us the over all context of our sexual experiences. This combines the physical and emotional aspects, and adds the memories of past experiences both sexual and non-sexual, imagery, the things we learn and the things we want to experience into what we associate with sexual pleasure. For example, things like imagery and fetish create the context for the physical sensations and emotional feelings helping us to define what is or was an erotic sexual situation.
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Pain and pleasure are really two ends of a spectrum of sensation. Consider, a light patting on the bottom has a pleasant sensation, increase the intensity and that patting becomes a spanking, increase it more and it becomes a beating. A funny thing happens here. Where do you draw the line where one thing becomes another? Also, as we become more aroused, our own experience changes, first because our bodies respond with wonderful chemicals such as endorphins and adrenaline. If you then consider the emotions occurring at the time and put in a psychological context, the discomfort or pain caused by the spanking becomes defined as something sensual and erotic in that moment for that person.

From my own experience, many things some people would consider as being not sensual, others under specific situations find although physically discomforting, being very sensual. In fact triggering a higher sense of emotional and psychological arousal while being experienced. Have you ever wondered why people like crazy spicy hot foods? It is not for the taste but more for the release of endorphins.

This brings me to the point – sensual is a conditioned response. As we gain more sexual experience, we start to enjoy more intense stimulation. Sensations from things, like spankings, floggings and restraint to name a few, through association and experience, become part of our sexual repertoire and part of the pleasures we enjoy sexually – we begin to through learned response find that pain can be pleasurable. In future articles in the Fetish category, I will discuss in more detail specific fetishes and sensual torments, as well include excerpts from people interviewed who enjoy them and try to relate their thoughts on these experiences and sensations.