Too Much of a Good Thing

Delayed Ejaculation or ED is becoming more and more a problem for men growing up through the age of the Internet where there is easy access to unlimited porn. Clinically, delayed ejaculation is the inability to ejaculate or difficulty in achieving orgasm despite the presence of normal sexual desire and sexual stimulation.

Ok guys here is the rub. Delayed Ejaculation is, in the absence of underlying medical conditions, a learned or conditioned response. Through masturbation and porn, many guys have “conditioned themselves” to respond to specific stimulation. Certain images arouse them and only certain penile stimulation from their auto-erotic sessions create enough of the correct sensations to achieve orgasm. Sensations that cannot be duplicated orally, vaginally or through anal such as grip, motions and extra digital stimulations, (how you use your fingers during masturbation) that are created by you.

On average a male can achieve orgasm orally, vaginally or through anal within five to 8 minutes. Men with this condition may take up to 45 minutes and require their own manual intervention to bring themselves to completion. Some men find that more often than not, they do not achieve orgasm at all. It is not hard to imagine the emotional implications this can have on men and their partners.

How did you get this way? What is conditioned response? Many of you took basic psychology in high school or college and you became aware of Dr. Ivan Pavlov and his experiments in classical conditioning, initially experimenting with dogs. Essentially, dogs will salivate at the sight of food. What the doctor did was ring a bell every time he brought food to the dog. Eventually the dog associated the sound with food, so when the bell rang, the dog salivated as if there was food. Because many young men turn to porn and masturbation as a way of “satisfying urges”, you begin to condition yourself to your manual stimulation and internet imagery, so when the real opportunity comes, your body no longer responds they way it should because you have taught it to respond to other stimulations.

Fleshlight sex toy

How do you fix this? There is no easy cure, no pill or physio-therapy to correct this. There are therapeutic strategies to help you cope and try to relearn more normal function. Before considering anything, you should first consult with your medical practitioner to rule out conditions from prostrate issues, low hormone production, blockages or physiological based disorders. Once these are ruled out, cognitive modification therapy holds the best strategy for minimizing the situation. These strategies may include hypnotherapy as well reconditioning exercises. The key to the success is to have an understanding and supportive partner.

For many a young man, this may not be practical. Our advice, (this is non-medical), is if you do need to masturbate – use a masturbation toy that simulates vaginal sensations. Non-motorized toys such as the Fleshlight – visit them at: Remember, if you are experiencing troubles ejaculating, speak to your doctor as soon as possible – not knowing and not taking action to correct this will guarantee you many a frustrating and unfulfilling encounter.

Is Porn Really A Problem?

People can become addicted to anything and according to many it is the fault of the substance and not the person… Porn… the word strikes terror into the hearts of religious fundamentalists of all faiths… But exactly what is it?

Pornography is simply cinema with a focus on sex, it caters to the voyeur inside many of us who enjoy watching people having sex. Like the action movie, the martial arts movie or the romance movie, the video imagery, story and action re-enforces the core theme of the genre, in this case sex. So if these people feel porn is bad, then sex must be bad too? Much of the what and why is simply the imposition of someone’s definitions and choices on another. Simply put, “I am happy with missionary and you should be too. And I only do it to have a family…” But if that were so, why did God give us so many nerve endings in al those erogenous zones? Why did he wire our brains to release wonder chemicals like endorphins and dopamine to reward us for stimulating those nerve endings? Why did God give us an imagination that when day dreaming, our bodies can be aroused? Hmmmm… And hasn’t history taught us that repression is actually a catalyst and incubator for more extreme expression?

Really, the biggest problem with porn is not sex, nor is it the imagery or themes, the biggest problem is that there are too many socially, emotionally and sexually immature people who respond to anything different from their own limited experience as it is wrong. A friend of mine put it this way, “parents impose their own dispositions, guilt and prejudices on their children”. I would add, that parents also impose their own ignorance on their children. If these so called educated people were only enlightened to their own emotions and sexuality, maybe there would be less unhappiness. Maybe then, these people as parents could actually have a discussion with their kids and be parents, putting sex and sexuality into a healthy context, instead of the kids learning their sexual context through disjointed experiences from friends, media and pop culture.

What is really more offensive, a person being torn apart violently in a horror or action movie or two people having sex? Most parents agree that violence is preferable to sex. Those same parents could admit they would have a hard time educating their kids about sex. The problem is not porn, the problem is people.

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